by Lolo Sianipar
“I’ve been followed by a ghost since I don’t really remember when. I know you won’t believe me, but I know and feel the presence of this black shadow following me here and there. Well, I can’t really see him, like staring at him, but he’s really there when I’m glancing around or in the corner of my eyes. I can also assure you, it’s not my shadow, cuz I know where is my shadow all the time, this one is like a thick black dust that can appear on wall, door, corner, ceiling or stand still in one spot in the room, whether I’m alone or with people/ friends around me. From his large build and vague mannish shape I sort of decided that it’s a male ghost. O well, he’s not like always being around me, sometimes he’s disappeared and re-appears in unexpected timing.
At first, it’s not really convenient to have something nonfigurative following me here and there, but after a while I get used to it. He’s not that annoying, like coldly touching me or do horrible voices or making scary faces, he simply there and seems like watching in his darkness. His appearance also followed by a different intensity vibes or sensations. Sometimes it can be so intense, forceful and heavy that I have to take a break from whatever I’m doing at that time and “mentally” tell him to back off, the funny thing he did back off and the intense feeling get eased. Some other time, when I want to have my private moment and he appear, I ask him to go and he stubbornly stay, but then for odd reasons, in the end I’m glad he stay.
There are also times when I feel lonely and alone, and his presence can be a real diversion. I have a companion. Then I can dance with him, closing my eyes in my room and move swiftly, absurdly with him, just me and him, and it’s lovely really lovely. It doesn’t require a song to dance with him, sometimes I’m just humming. As you know, a human being can be so deviated with each other sometimes and with him I don’t have to be something that pleasing to another human, I can be totally lost in my incongruous being , how we all born as social and individual creature. Talk to him? Yeah, that idea occurs to me sometimes, especially asking why he keeps following me, but… I don’t know, I have this peculiar hesitation whether I need an answer for that, and as much as I believe he won’t talk back since he never demonstrate his ability to speak or even make a noise, I keep that idea idle. Hm, what kind of decent conversation we can have with a ghost anyway? Past? Future? Present?
Look, I always think that angel come in a form of sparkling, soft, all whitey things, but now for me my ghost can be my angel sometimes in different form. That’s why I also miss him sometimes when he’s not around. I know it’s hard for you to believe this story, but I’m not telling this to convinced you that there is ghost in this world, this is my story, and perhaps, just perhaps, he want me to tell you this story. And perhaps – just perhaps – you’ve been followed by a ghost too all of this time, look around you”.