A tribute to Fauzie Syuaib (Bang Oji): my lecturer, my life-tutor, my relationship-coach, my friend indeed
For things that don’t exist; I mean beginnings.
Ends and beginnings – there are no such things.
There are only middles.
First of all I would like to say thank you and thank you so much Bang Oji! You’ve been, and you’re always such a wonderful person in my life. You had brushed a beautiful color to my existence and it stay forever. Of course the first time we met, you were NOT my friend, because you were my lecturer. And you gave me B for what should’ve been A, I couldn’t remember what subject, but I know I worked my ass so hard to get an A! But then you comfort me and challenge me. Anyway, I got a good grade in the end, you helped me along the way. Bang, we did share a lot, a lot, a lot of things back then, didn’t we? We shared secrets, we shared dreams, we shared life, options, thoughts, laugh and sorrow.
Education is not the only thing that you gave me. I still remember when you announced that I’m JUST a diploma graduation, in front of University of Indonesia diploma class, more than 40 students, and right before I’m going to share my professional experiences, I was replacing you for that session. I still remember vividly that some eyes almost popped out. it was so clear what’s on their mind “ONLY a diploma graduated?” I laughed, thank you for being so proud of me. You always said “Lolo, it’s good for you to continue your study and get your bachelor, I support you 100% on that, but what you have now is great, and don’t worry too much about title, all you need is keep shaping your skill and have an attitude of always ready to learn anything from this life” You’re one of the most influential person in my career, I don’t mind to give you the credit.
How was such a busy man like you can always make time for me, I’m still amazed. As a matter in fact, it’s always you who initiated our rendezvous, you were so enthusiastic to see Lia & I and to catch up with us, to know what’s going on (the invitation always come for both of us). My favorite opening everytime we meet was “Bang, I just moved to another company, again.” Hahaha. I know you’re the only person in my life who fiercely encourage people to be whatever they wanna be and don’t care about stick to one place or one job or one field of work, I don’t know whether it’s right or not, all I know it works for me. That’s why beside my parents, you’re the only – the only – person that I wanted to discuss about “JOB”. Everytime I consider a job offering, you were always there for me, you sit there, you listen carefully and you give me an opinion for every options I have. You were not decide it for me, you just there let me to think over about it. Still, I made several stupid decisions and end up hating the job, but you never said “See I’ve told you!” Never! You laugh lightly, and continue with stories of your life. I heard from a friend on the day of you funeral, she said, that you told her: “Wherever Lolo go for work, she always get a good position” I laughed. God, I miss you so much Bang.
I remember how much I insisted to bring almost all of my boyfriends for you to see (or to be appraised for precise hehehe). Well, they’re all my ex now, but you never told me which one you really like anyway, so I was planning of getting a new one ASAP and see how do you feel about that person. Hahaha. O well, won’t be another chance now. I remember when I bring one of them, you gave me a very logic perspective about relationship and human characters, basically about me and him. It was neatly said and I stunned by how making sense it all, and then leaving him seemed like a very much good decision also because later whatever you said proven bit by bit by time. So it’s not fair! you came to Lia’s wedding, but will never come to mine. It’s not fair…
Bang, remember, when you feel so down? Back several years ago. When something tempted you so much? When you said: “I know the way out of this problem, I know what I should do to make things right, but I’m weak, that’s why I’m telling you, my struggle, because I know both of you are willing and able to help me out, just by keep reminding me to survive through this temptation. I know I can trust you” I remember your eyes when you said that, you looked a bit confuse but yet sturdy. You, Lia & I, we sat for hours in that small café at Kemang, and you said all things that you wanted say, pouring out your heart in detail and we all feel disappointed, almost shed tears, be quiet for some moments, then laughed. Your secret, mistake you’ve done, and pain you’ve caused to people you loved so much. You were amazing, you stood against your selfish self and you admit it and you… you overcome it. You succeed Bang! By knowing that you’re not perfect at all, that you have weaknesses as well, we look up to you even more. You did a mistake and you fixed it. You’re one of us, not just a lecturer of just a scholar, you’re a friend. You see? You make things right in the end Bang, you know what I mean. Loves proven conquer all, and you won over every one’s heart, especially that little lady, wife of yours that you loved so much.
I never thought you’re going to leave me Bang, to leave all of us. I never thought that the last time we prayed together in the hospital will be the last thing we do together, I can’t believe it, up until now. I can’t believe the last time you called me to tell me that you already married again and asking why I didn’t show up, would be your last call. We promise we’ll see each other soon! You promise me that you’ll introduce me your new family member. I was a bit mad at you at that time, I wouldn’t miss your wedding for anything in this world, you know that! Still, I can’t find your invitation that you said you had text to me. If I know, if I know… that was only a month and half ago…
Well, Bang, I’m sorry, I refused to say good bye, well at least not now and not near in the future. Let me cherish the memories of you in my life, because I won’t ever lose my best friend, not even because of death. Let me reminiscing for a moment, how I treasured all things you had taught me, all the conversations we had, and fatherly soft spoken words of yours, all of it. O, and the light laugh (almost like a giggle) you always did. I hope I make you proud enough. I hope you come and visit me once in a while in my dream, and I’ll visit you in my prayer, and we’ll have another sharing session together. But still, Rest in peace, Bang.
You and I will meet again
When we’re least expecting it
One day in some far off place
I will recognize your face
I won’t say goodbye my friend
For you and I will meet again