Find me a man who’s interesting enough to have dinner with and I’ll be happy.” – Lauren Bacall
This post is inspired by one lovely dinner I had with a friend recently, it succeed in reminding me of hundreds dinners I had in my life, good and bad dinners. Good or bad, it’s not in whom you dine with, how romantic the moment is, how delightful the place is, or how delicious the food is or how expensive it is, but always something in between. For me dinner is not about romanticism, it can be just having your meal, but dinner can also be one potential event that might worth to remember for the rest of your life, or moment worth saving to make you smile for a really long time, even if it just with good friend NOT lover. In dinner you have this opportunity to really know what’s going on “inside” your companion, in dinner you know will you get a lover, a friend or just a person that you are going to spend the next 2 hours with, in dinner you get exciting stories, good laughs, or maybe – if you lucky enough – a thoughtful opinion about life that can solve your problem. As for me the best part is when you didn’t expect it to be nice, but it’s escalated somehow in between, and you spend your night smiling and wish that you could have those moments back, again and again.
Knowing how to elaborate a good dinner will seriously help you to avoid wasting your precious time, money and energy (or if you shallow enough, it might hook you up with a girl). So guys, if you want to make your lady friend or your girlfriend or your wife happy, these are several must-have items on dinner. I’ll put it in the order of the most important thing to the simple ones like small gesture as lovely additional.
1. The Art of Listening . Dinner is all about telling stories whilst eating and drinking. Seriously! That’s common sense, what else would you do? Eating and eating and eating? So if you think you’re ready to take a woman to dinner, you better practice your listening skill. If you think you won’t stand that woman chatting around about her life, her point of view, her laughs, her silly jokes, please… safe yourself from a great headache, don’t ask that woman out. And she probably better off without you, she’ll find some other guy to listen to her.
2. Be Genuine . If you want to pick a place for dinner, pick a place that you like much, but also the place she is ”most probably” comfortable to be, give it a little thought. But still, the first one is, you have to like that place too. You must have a good reason why you take her there, beside that assuring you have something to talk about later on, at least you’re sure that the food will be alright and the waitress will serve you right and that’s mean elude unnecessary hassle upon small things during the dinner. Well, if you think of trying new place, let her know that. Hey, if you want to do some experiments make sure your companion also ready for something unexpected.
3. Compliment something sincerely. Don’t want to be a hypocrite, Yes! Woman love to be praise, but not exaggerating! “You look beautiful tonight” might work its best, but its so cliché. To give a sincere and nice compliment, that can make woman tilt her head and smile (if blushing is too much), you need to pay attention for the detail, can be physical or habit. Her dress, her shoes, her hair-do, her eyes, her ears, her laugh, those small things. It doesn’t take a lot of work trust me, all you have to do is glance at her, and compliment the first thing you like about her! So far, my best compliments are “You have lovely finger nails” and “You have a lovely shoulder, I think that’s one of your best features”. I mean who would’ve think a man will notice my finger nails and really look at my shoulder? I remember them alright ‘til now. See the implication? If you ask, what compliment does with dinner? Tell you what it’ll assure you’ll have a lady friend that look at you respectfully for the rest of the dinner, it’s a self-confidence boost, it’ll make her not remember the flaws, it’ll make her pay more attention to what you say and because she know you care. She’ll be more of a lovely companion.
4. The Art of Ordering the meal. Now, this is like the follow up for “know where to take her”. Now, you might SUGGEST the best food that place serving, but please don’t order for her unless she agrees! I said suggest! But it’s lovely to have our dinner companion know what to order. We – women we’ve been discuss about this many many times. “He knows what kind of food I like!”, “He told me that I should order this and that, and it was great!” my female friends use to exclaim in excitement after dinner. I’ve been dine with some guys that sit in front of me, hand me the menu, and say “Just order anything you like Lo” and took him more than 15 minutes to order something. In that awkward silence moment or long discussion about what we should order, I lost my appetite and sometimes my mood.
5. Don’t check your phone regularly, especially NOT YOUR BLACKBERRY. Duh! That one of the biggest No No in a date! I dined with this one particular guy, he’s handsome, smart (as far as I know),success, good sense of humor, quite a catch if you know what I mean, but he kept on checking his blackberry during our dinner, and I make a promise to myself, will never-ever go out with this guy anymore. O c’mon, will it kill you to not looking at your phone for at least 30 minutes? Or am I THAT boring? If you have something important to do that required you to check your phone regularly, then don’t go dine with someone! If you’re asking a woman out, please have this understanding that you have to recess from using your phone for a while. Blackberry kills date and dinner!
6. Open the door. We women, we remember when you open doors for us. I, for specific, really respect a man who know the importance to open the door for woman. Seriously, no matter how ugly, how messy, how not-my-type that guy is, but once he open the door for me, I will just have my mind change radically about that guy! YES, we have our hands and our fingers working well, we can open the door by ourselves, but if you want to make the impression, open a door for a woman is a great start.
7. Offer to pay the bills in a NICE way. Look, we surely can afford our own food but it’s lovely to have a man buy us dinner, but don’t overdo it. If you’re asking the woman out for dinner, you better be ready to pay for the meal. If you don’t want to buy her food, maybe because it’s just a friendly dinner, let her know that in a nice way. If you want to pay for the dinner watch out your gesture, don’t grab the bill and hiding it and get your wallet in a rush, it’s just not right. Just say with a gentleman style “let me handle this one, I have a great time and you can always get me another dinner”, that means you wanna go out with her again.
8. Give it some comfortable silences. I said to my friends that once you are comfortable to say nothing at all in one’s companion for a short moment, then (s)he is really your friend. Give it one of two moments of silence and see if you comfortable with it. Yes, woman loves to talk a lot but there are moments they just want to look around for a while and don’t make that moment awkward. What you do while you’re in silence? Well, you can check your surrounding too, as well to get an interesting topics to discuss, you flash back for a moment, you can glance her face. or maybe focus on your food. I think 10 seconds to 1 minutes is enough.
9. Say Thank you. Don’t do it by-the-way, look at her eyes and say that meaningfully. I know, I know, you’re the one who pick her up, who pay for the dinner, who open the door, who take her home, why you should be the one who say thank you, right? Hahahaha… well, gentlemen, that woman will remember you for the rest of her life… that’s for sure! And if you don’t want that result, well, don’t bother then.
10. (fill this your self…. Tell me what do you think can make a good dinner?)
If you’re asking, why I wrote this note for man. well, in dinner usually man is the one who asking out, but I thought these pointers are applicable for Woman as well. So if you saying that “Hah, I don’t need all this additional stuff Lo, that girl is already happy by ME asking her out!” well, you might think twice, I’ve talked to a lot of female in my life, and in the end they do pay attention for the detail, even if you are a God-special-creation-for woman. And IF you say “My girl is NOT THAT demanding Lo, she’s alright with everything I provide her, regular dinner might do” well, tell you what, think twice man, I know I’m not going to be the first person you’ll say “I’m seriously bored with my girl”. Non-passionate woman is boriiiingg, cuz only passionate woman pay attention to details, and know exactly what they want, you have to believe me on that!
“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations” – Oscar Wilde
PS: O by the way, thank you for the dinner, man. You are the true dinner master! *wink*