…and who are you – again – to judge?

If I am a snob, a really real snobbish, I think I should be more than glad with my job as a Public Relations Consultant. I’m legally proficient to profile a.k.a. judge people according to their life history and background, my job requires me to do that. This actress not good enough to endorse our client’s products, she has negative issues, that doctor has been endorsing another product so scratch his name out. I’m so not going to use her as my MC, do you know what she did with xx product? She’s good, her record is clean, let’s try to approach her. He’s a good father so he’s good for xx brand? They publish something about his social work so let’s try to put him on the xx CSR program. He’s been sleeping with some girls, big NO NO, never approach him! Do you see what’ she’s wearing to the gala? Where are the fashion police? Never use her as your MC, misfit! And that’s how I get paid too sometimes, to tell my clients which one is “decent” enough to be our product/ brand/ corporate endorser or spokesperson or just MC, and which one we suppose to drop. So even thou I don’t know them in real life, I read and observing their public image from news and articles, therefore I’m allow to judge. But that’s not what I like to happen in real life and I learn this from the hardest way, that to be profiled by strangers is not fun at all.
Back in high school in Medan (the 3rd biggest city in Indonesia, situated in Sumatra Island), I was quite a socialized person. I have a lot of friends, lot of clicks and never ending activities. Seriously, to have a friend is not an issue at all, in fact I have different friends line up to go out everyday and do crazy things. But the nightmare happened when I moved to Jakarta, the capital city of Indonesia, the metropolitan city, the gate to modernity. It was one of the toughest times of my life. Not only I have to adapt to a new house, living with new people that I barely knew, took an intensive course and study hard to be able to pass the national assay to my dream university, I – of course – have to make a new friend also. But make an extra effort to make a friend was becoming the last priorities, because I thought along the adaptation process, I surely found some friends, hey, I’m an easy going person, I’m not that weird. Well, I didn’t, not even in the course that I went and spent 4 hours everyday. After 3 months in Jakarta, I still haven’t found anyone that willing to talk to me at least more than 20 minutes, and in personal tone (not only about the lesson we just had), I started to make an effort. I started to look around and see if there is anyone who want to show a little bit interest upon me – personally, and once I turned my face from books and tests, and see people ,analyzing what’s going on, I found out how I’ve been profiled by people around me. Seriously, from the way they look at me from head to toe, from their hidden smile when they hear me talking with a strong Medanesse accent, from their questions to me. I just realized what I wear with what they wear is totally different; I look totally like a hilly-billy from a remote village, they are totally ignoring me. I tried to engage in a conversation, or asking maybe they want to take a meal together after class, but of course, no one want it, they’re profiling me already.

Now, 3 months is bearable, but 6 months friendless is seriously not fun at all, life feels miserable. fortunately, I did make it to one of my dream universities, but the first semester was not so different at all, no improvement to my social life. Maybe one of my mistake was I refused to change just for the sakes of looking the same with other people, I don’t want to be mainstream, I just want to be me and hoping someone willing to be friends with me thou I look like a dork. But I got my happy ending thou, I found my true friends, those who’s not see me from the outside, but choose to stay with me with my ugly outer performance, me who do not know where’s the coolest place to hang out in Jakarta, or wearing branded stuff and talking in silly accent. And life’s easier after that several bunch of “true” friends (including my lecturers), maybe i got my confidence back, so I got more and more friends. I graduated, started to work, got more new friends and so on, up until now, I – again – have hilariously a lot of friends (I think hihihihi)

Those days really change my perspective forever, as well as my sensitivity towards some people that “feel” different in my environment. I’m more interested to know what’s going on with people that wander by themselves, loners, people that friendless, people that at some point might be the “public enemy” (and I’m not talking about Bosses). People that sit alone during lunch, people that hiding their face in the crowd. That person always has something to say. I know, not all those loners are interesting, I do also believe some people are truly hostile therefore no one want to be their friends and that’s why they are alone, I mean some sarcastic people, or a whiner, or a person that seems always have hidden agenda, and exploit other for the sake of their consolation, those people are by nature will find their own ill fate, to be alone, and no I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about people that want to have friends, want to be in a click, but already profiled by his/her surrounding. One who cannot state his/her mind because no one gives them that opportunity. I think the quote of “don’t judge the book by it’s cover” is true, but I more agree to another quote that say: don’t judge a man until you’ve walked 2 moons in his moccasins. I mean don’t judge people until you’ve try to see from his perspective or try to fit his shoes.

I do have some friends that were the “public enemy”, and turns out they are my good friends until now, one who stick to me through thick and thin. They taught me a lot of things especially about it’s okay to be alone, they taught me self-contentment, they taught me how to survive when no one seems to understand what are you talking about, they taught me how to keep my heads up even thou everyone says I’m a weirdo, a looser, a misfit. Seriously, when you know that you always ready to befriends to whoever need you, you’ll never feel lonely, because you will always be sure that someone will be there if you need them and it’s all up to you to call. I’ve had my time friendless for 6 months, what can be more forbidding than that? I’ve been profiled as a hilly billy with hilarious outfit and look like a dork. Well, I’m hoping I’ll never forget that, because what a shame if I – from all people in this world – do that too to others. And I wish that most of my friends are not judgmental as well, but sometimes, you don’t get what you wish for, sometimes you just have to be patient enough when your friend do that to other and say “Hey, who are you to judge?”. And tell you what, ignoring people is judging too.

“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”
Wayne Dyer


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