Being a Family…

You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them – Desmond Tutu

I’m not a person who grew up in a happy perfect family – Braidy Bunch style. I’m not a daughter of a parent who gets along well with each other all the time. Who’s Mom just like an angel or Mother Mary, never raise her voice to her husband or kids, and the father who is always be “the man” of the family and a perfect role model for my idea of a man. Nope. My family has its own flaws just like any other family. As a matter in fact, as a Bataknese family, one of the loudest tribe in Indonesia, my siblings and I grew up with a lot of events that full of emotions that turned us into a very expressive bunch of people. We had a lot – a lot – and when I tell you a lot that means really a lot of fights from time to time between us. But as I know God always puts me in a perfect ground to grow and shaping my character, I learn a lot of lesson that makes me who I am now from my family, and who I am now, is not really bad 

The Sianipar's

Since we’re a bunch of really emotional people, of course we’re laugh out loud when we’re happy and we’re mad like nuts when we’re upset. But through the time, and as we’re all getting older things are a lot different as it was 20, 10 or even 5 years ago. Things that usually make us upset easily, all the “sensitive” conversation, all the pouting-period after we’re angry, all the harsh wordings that we emit to each other when we’re mad, and the way we handle each other emotion, all grow along the time. But I won’t take the credit in our own effort, it’s not in “US” alone that we’re able to learn about each other in the family. it’s in the knowing that God has an awesome plan behind why A, B, C, and D became a family, and why they have to go through such and such events in their life as a family.

The Girls 😉

What used to upset us, what used to make us yelling at each other, what used to be “sensitive” issues for us, bit by bit change into a quite disagreement that we reflect and think first before we try to start arguing with each other. O well, not all the time, we’re still learning, but the fight not so intense anymore. When I was a teenager, I thought I have the most horrible family in the world, but now, I think I have one of the funniest family that make me laugh most of the time, and I care about so much.

So you see, being one strong, happy family, it is NOT in the soft spoken words 24/7, it’s NOT in the caring all the time, it is NOT in the always being calm and 100% understanding each other, NOT in the avoiding argumentations, NOT in the settling down, NOT in “don’t start disagreeing!”, NOT in the holding hands everytime. One true happy family created from the everyday insanity the members do to each other, then learning how to look them again in the eyes and really forgive. It is in the hurting each other because people that the closest to us give us the most pain, but then we realized our love is way bigger than the pain, it’s in the fights but then hugs, in the pissed off but then you know you can’t live without them then you try to make them laugh again. You cry because they’re so rude to you, but then you decided they just another human being that can be wrong, and worth all the effort in the world to make up to. It is in the never ending learning about each other our whole life, ‘til the day we die. My family is in that process, now and then and forever.

In general, Mom and Dad are two total eccentrics who like adventurers, they spent their youth to travel or do things that quite un-ordinary for their time. They’re a bit old & tired now and need to rest quite a lot, but I won’t questions their “spirit” to try new things. My brother, he’s a bit quiet seemed like always has his own world in his mind, but he’s so caring and lovable. My sister, is a true work of art in terms of character, she has all the contradictions in her, she’s a dreamer who knows how to settling down whilst keep chasing the dream. And me, well, I have thousand ideas in my head that I want to do in one action so you can imagine how bubbly and jumpy I am, so hard to keep up to. But, you seriously don’t want to make a mess with us, you have no idea what we’re capable to do to people who tried to hurt one of our family member. THAT I can give you guarantee. THAT makes me the safest person on earth.

And this bunch of people that I want to take to 6 days trip back and forth Jakarta – Yogyakarta, more than 1200 KM in a tiny sedan car, as the last actions of 2009, and a new things for 2010. and you can read our actions on the next posts!

I know why families were created with all their imperfections. They humanize you. They are made to make you forget yourself occasionally, so that the beautiful balance of life is not destroyed. – Anais Nin


11 thoughts on “Being a Family…

  1. God Bless Your Family, Lo…
    Practice makes perfect. All the family fights, events, activities are exercise for us. Every time we pass those difficult times, we get stronger and smarter (and wiser) than before.
    And I wish in this year your family will get “1 more family member” (ya know what I mean? 🙂 Have a nice year ahead….

  2. Erri,

    God bless yours too… as you are now a good father for all of your children 🙂 they’re lucky to have you… a smart- always-learning Daddy.

    Yes, practice make perfect indeed, but what I see sometimes, people in the family fights and never want to forgive, some are just broken with no intention to fix it again, prideful, hurtful, bitter… those families are around me…

    Some people I know, becoming apathy about “fighting” for love and family unity, some are just looking for what is easy for them… so sad to see that, with increasing numbers of my friends who got divorce…

    If, we want to keep learning
    If, we want to really forgive
    If, it’s not easy to decide to just start new rather than to fix a small broken relationship
    If, we want to lower our pride
    If, we pray together and have a little faith

    I wish your family getting stronger and stronger Erry… ’til the hair on our head all white 🙂

  3. Thank you soooo much for your compliments and wishes!

    Yes, you are very very right about families life today. Sad to know that. And hate that too. If you mean family fights is “parents fights.”
    Who’s the victim for all of that? Children…

    You know, 65-75% of children spare time spent at HOME. And only 25-35% of children spare time spent at school. It’s mean “family education” is more important than school/academic.

    Why the number of divorces increase in our generation rather than before (our parents generation/baby boomers)?
    I think, it’s because our parents generation has a better ‘family education’ before. And when our parents generation built their own families, they believe academic skills is very important rather than moral lesson. They don’t have any clue how to educate children at home. They sent their kids to school and courses while their built their own carrier to success which their think that is the most important for family. They think this can make their kids succeed. It is?

    I learn from a Chinese family in Indonesia which have a store. The parents teach their children how to handle the custumer. Say hi, smile, and welcoming them. This is a ‘family education.’ Not only a moral lesson but more than that is an exercise for children to become a good trader/shop keeper.

    In my humble opinion, moral lesson especially practice is an effective and strong medium for child’s development and learning.

    I think this is too many sentences for a comments. Time for me to stop typing.

    Wish you can build your own family… soon.

  4. Hahahah….

    Erriiiii… never hesitate to write a looong comment in my blog… you are always welcome as your thought is valuable in deep…. people can read and learn….

    plus, I got someone to discuss my thought… 🙂

    You’re right, people forget that their kids is their mirror… if they grow up into a person that disrespect people it’s because their parents…

    Yes yes yes Erri, can wait to have my own kids… 🙂 that’ll be wonderful….

  5. yup, I remember back then at junior high..
    u and rhea had a fight ( a lot), hehehehehe..
    but it makes your relationship grows stronger 😉
    (the fight is the bond, i think..)
    and it’s always a pleasure for me to watch your family get along with each other..
    Believe it or not I do remember your family back then, Om, Tante (fashionista!), Deo (talented man with his awesome drawings), Lolo (the little but noisy one), Rhea (I always thinks that she should be the older sister than you, hehehe…no offense)
    I really want to meet your whole family just like I once had at Medan, send my best regards for them 😉

  6. Seriously Che? I don’t remember that I had a lot of fight with Rhea back then 🙂 you need to remind me the reason we were fighting so often hahaha…

    o che, you seriously have vivid remembrance about my family, so happy to hear 🙂 and glad that we make a good impression on you, because back in Medan we did fight a lot! hahaha…

    But it’s glad to know that you’re still go back to Medan, like “Pulang Kampung”… we’re all now in Jakarta, so no reason to do “Pulang Kampung” :))

    I pray may God bless and take care you family too… 🙂 and to think we’re a Batak Family, we know how hard to deal with it sometimes hahaha…

    xoxo Che…

  7. I do remember…

    Rhea is chubby back then 😉
    You and her had a same room, right?
    But we (Rhea’s friend) forbid from that first we didn’t know why and so curious..
    but then I know the reason…the room is such a mess..! hahahaha ;D
    *I once peep inside*

    A fight among siblings is like everyday conversation for me but through the fuss and fight I know that whatever happen to me they are the one who will be always be there to help me stand up again.

    You have 2 of them to deal with..
    Imagine me, I have 6 people to deal with their own character..and then imagine my parent, they have 7 kids to deal with’s a wow! hehehehe…

    God bless yours and my family..

  8. Varyyyy…
    pastinya lah ya… ga liat anak perempuannya manis begini? xixixix…

    tapi elo juga like Mom like daughter… gila travelling! *sigh* day dreaming…

  9. O my Che…
    that ‘s one strong memory you have there… photographic memory perhaps 😉
    Yeah the bedroom was a total mess, but blame it on me, cuz I’m the one who did a lot of experiment with things back then Hahaha… and usually Rhea exodus to Mom’s bed…

    You’re right, family is important… but we – human in general – always learn it around this age ya? 😀 remember when we were younger and how we want to escape from family event? hahaha…

    Pheww… 6 siblings? my goodness, I can’t imagine I have another 2 Rhea-s and 2 Deo-s. You gotta have more stories than me 🙂 write it up will ya?

  10. perfecto……plok…plok….plok…….
    aku juga punya pengalaman yg sama, kak….. hanya bedanya, i have no sister dan punya rentang usia yg sangat jauh dr abang2ku.hidup tanpa peer groups di skitar rumah, hidup tanpa mama yg dekat denganku, i’m just daddy’s lil girl (itu jg bapak jarang bisa luangkan quality time in my childhood karena harus kejar storan) hehehhe…….. abang2 care for me, but not as i wanted/ wished. tumbuh menjadi anak yg tomboy, sejak SD-SMA yg hobinya mukulin anak laki2 (tapi juga hobi masak hehehhehe)……
    tpi smuanya brubah sejak aku ketemu mas bram, sejak kita nikah (walopun blom pnya momongan)….. mom became much more care about me, no more arguments, no more fights among us,dad now can spend a quality time for us. and believe or not, I’ve once felt i missed them badly, right before we met in jogja…… cubics of tears melted down……it’ll sound childish, but that was my very 1st time to have christmas without them.. and it’s so worst…..
    but i’m proud to have them as my family member….. to have a great mom n dad and brothers… blessed to have them….. and so glad to have ur friend bram too in my life….. he really change my world………
    and to end my comment, i do really feel blessed to know the Sianipar’s family…..and wish u all save in His hand………. send my best to Om, Tnte, abang and ka’rhea ya, kak……. *smooch*

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