My best friend is getting married! Yay! I haven’t asked for her permission to write about her in this blog so I don’t think I have any right to mention her name. Anyhow, if you know me well, you know her too. 🙂 All my life, I always think that preparing a wedding is one hell of a work. It’s once in a life time experience , can never be repeated again, so many little important things to do, so many people to please, so many dreams to manifest in one event, especially those childhood dreams as part of your happily ever after. Everything always feels so overwhelming when we’re talking about a wedding, more than ever while we’re preparing one and ours. But this particular wedding preparation has taught me different thing and feeling about a wedding celebration.
My best friend and her spouse are already married actually, last January in London. It was only a small religious ceremony (akad nikah), and for reasons that too long to explain here (not pregnancy of course! I can assure you that). I’m so happy for them. They knew each other for a few years, but it’s only 3 months or so after they’re dating for the first time, they decided to get marry. Such a short notice, such a big decision. Was it impulsive? I have no idea, all I know they’re so happy and so fulfilled, and I’m totally inspired.
Now, they’re going to make it official in Indonesia through a small reception inviting all close relatives, colleague and friends. They ask me nicely to take part in helping them preparing the wedding reception. O I feel honored, I do. Problem is, I’m such a perfectionist sentimentalist (if there’s such term), meaning I want everything to be perfect and as sentimental as how I picture a wedding all of my life – so far. So I sat there and listened to what kind of wedding celebration they wanted and then I thought “THAT’S IT?!?”. No, thousands flowers? No pretty wedding cake? No bottles of wine for toast? No Swarovski shoes? No expensive jewelry? No beautiful petite chocolate dessert or cheese cake? Seriously???
I try to figure out if there’s money issue, but I’m pretty sure they are more than able to afford party twice as expensive as they planned here (well, I’m not a fan of a big wedding reception either, but small doesn’t mean inexpensive). Yes they want to buy a small house, so money will be tight. But still it is a WEDDING! I was curious, are they happy with a wedding that modest? This is my best friend, I need to put extra caution here.
It’s almost a month already, I was running here and there with them fetching stuff for the wedding, meeting with the décor people, designing their wedding invitation, food tasting, wrapping the gimmick, writing the label, and so on, and now I know by sight and by heart that they are truly sincerely happy with the whole wedding arrangement. They know what they want in terms of their expectations. I feel contentment. I feel gratitude. I feel love. I know they’re sort of under pressure, but they’re enjoying it too, the whole process. My best friend, she’s glowing! That I think I can put her in a jar, and in the darkness she’ll lighten up the whole room. Hehehe. She’s so happy. And him too! As we discussed the limitation of this and that, we were laughing at it instead.
We even have times to shop our personal needs, to sit and drink wine, to play cards, to have nice dinners and laughing all the time during the preparation. And those times were the times where I get my lesson. I believe, we’re all having this ideal of everything in our mind. Ideal spouse. Ideal home. Ideal relationship. Ideal wedding. We think, if we have things – maybe not exactly like the ideal – but as close as those ideal images, we’ll be happy, we’ll be fulfilled. Most of the times we’re disappointed, we’re regret that in reality things are not really close to those ideal. We forget that what makes us truly happy is not only the Dream-come-true, but truly acceptance of one small thing, one cake, one small party, one imperfect person.
A wedding is not a marriage, just like a house is not a home. A husband is not the answer to our loneliness. We will never get an ideal spouse anyway, who will never ever hurt us, or who able to fulfill any dreams. We never get the ideal of everything, but we can convert anything that we have into an ideal thing. God blessed us with what actually already ideal to us, all we need to be able to see it is a grateful and fully acceptance heart.
I’ll post you the picture of a wedding party that I know by heart will be small and really-really beautiful later this weekend. Thank you God for the lesson.